Sharing.

After almost a month of non-AIESEC life :)

When i was coming back i remember saying that i have no idea what is reverse cultural shock or reintegration, so I was excited to explore what it’s like and see how will i go through it. I have that – curiousity for these things – cultural shocks, reintegrations, adaptation etc. So I was patient and open to everything. I guess after some time its a moment to write that down.

..fisrt thing i felt a strong need in when i was back is my own TIME & SPACE... to reflect. To TAKE TIME to review my principles, my goals, my vision, - again after a year in Hong Kong. To have a clear picture in my mind what do i want, to have “the end in mind” when i make decisions about internship and future.

Then after some days i started feeling bored. Nothing to do after intense AIESEC life and constant deadlines to meet and goals to achieve, plans to follow etc. Suddenly i felt a need in doing something.

Now I realized I need this “empty” time – to rest, to get myself together, to get determined, to focus. It takes time as much as it does. Not too much though :)

And its nice to feel free of anything at some point of this crazy life. Time to watch movies, read books, talk to people, sleep ;)

....Reintegration itself is an interesting process to go through :)

The place itself is not a challenge, its easy to adapt back to home city. The people around is not a big challenge as well. I actually feel I am more culturally sensitive to my culture as well, so i do not compare cultures as better behaviors or worse, its just different, i see reasons for such behaviors more clearly now. The only observation that stroke me is that people here are angrier in a way, more aggressive on the streets and on public... The rest is just a bit different feeling towards everything going on in your country and with your people, as I have a different perspective on why people do things they do. Maybe because i worked with people influenced by different reality for a year, so I understand why people are the way they are better.

The main reintegration challenge is inside. After 5+ years of AIESEC XP, after amazing learning year in HK, after all those breath-taking moments, finally i face a situation where there’s no clear path of the future, and so the choices are to be made again, but this time kind of more thoughtful of the future. I dont feel a space for “let’s try” and “why not” decisions, i want them to be aligned with my vision of what i want to do and how i want to spend my life. I feel standing on the border of AIESEC life, seeing past 5 years as a platform which gave me so much, which gave me ME, and looking ahead on how will i use that and what do i need to do now. Exploring my purpose considering situation in the world around me, making choices of what will I do out of all those ambitions i have, what do I FOCUS on? I do feel my network, my dreams, my strong self by my side, but i still feel a little bit alone. And therefore a little bit scared. Will I manage to have same exciting life? New discoveries? Meaningful conversations? Refelctions? Impact? Innovating? Believing? Diversity? Challenging my worldview and getting out of comfort zone? And if yes how??

And thats where reintegration is hard. Because suddenly i dont feel so much support and encouragement. So here where it starts and I need to support it by myself without having AIESEC at the back. My friends got to different places of life now, and now i see more clearly that we are alike but different in the way we see ourselves in life and life around us. People around happen to not willing to listen, not striving to be authentic, not letting go negative amotions, not being tolerant, not willing to be. I feel suddenly lost with everything i feel and know. So will I continue being, listening and talking my true self? And where will i be heard and supported?

My friends keep telling me that after some time my priorities will change and I will not want things I want now. I dont know. But what i know is that i was never so confident in whats important for me and what i value. I never trusted myself more to make a right choice by following my heart and my mind. The doubt is only will my determination be enough, or will external influences not let me get closer to my dreams?

All those questions are in my head. When from outside I am about to start something new and exciting. A new experience. I am open for it to be the way it needs to be. At the same time I understand I need to make an effort to make it one. I always thought “Reintegration” is getting back successfully to old/normal life from exchange experience with a less shock. Now i know its about being able to build a new life considering who you are now.

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All these thoughts might sound a bit bizzare, but i needed to write them down and share. Need to write it as a memory of a very important period of my life :)

Many smiles and hugs to you :)