I moved!!!!

Find me at nadiyka.wordpress.com :)

Not even mine :)

“I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I just know I want to do it. I want to see my world.I want to meet every single person breathing on this earth. I want to give everyone a hug or a handshake and I want to make someone’s life a little easier. I want to be different than the people I know because that’s what makes us beautiful. I want to be absolutely ridiculous before I die. I don’t want regrets. I want to stand for something.”

Sunday morning thoughts

One morning having conversation in the kitchen on discrimination and stereotypes - some things keep surprising me. For example, it seems obvious that people of let’s say Chinese origin, no matter where they grew up still get the looks “but really where are you from?”, even though they might have lived all their lives in let’s say Canada, being totally integrated in Canadian society, and associate themselves more with Canada than any part of Asia. What’s more important your roots or what you feel part of? Then if you’re white caucasian, and lived most of your life in Asia, no one would ever believe that you feel more Asian than European. A lot of judgment comes with the looks before we even hear the story. And nowadays a lot of people have stories that change your first impression of who you think they are and who you think they should feel like.

What makes us feel connected to a certain social group, whether its your nationality, language you speak, common circumstances, the looks?.. In Asia hearing someone ordering food in English with Chinese menu would make me smile and give a look of “I know how difficult that is”, however if I see a group of tourists while I am rushing to work gives a bit of annoying feeling: we both are foreigners, but I live here. Does that really makes so much difference… We expect two Europeans bond in Latin America. People expect two Ukrainians be friends if they are abroad.
Most of this feelings/reactions we cant even control. We just either feel connected and want to let the other person know that you recognize how similar we are, or we want to make sure the feeling of difference is obvious. Is there a need to categorize people before we even talk to them? Have an opinion before we have any reason to have one?

And what makes us being excited about meeting other people or feeling instantly connected to certain people? Are we are attracted to other people by our similarities or our differences?

Settling down??

My room is a mess, my stuff doesn’t fit into the wardrobe.

I’ve always been glad I don’t have much things, so I can fit everything in 2 suitcases (with some sorting and throwing away procedure though, but still). Now I can’t.

I found a lot of stuff that I have are not necessities anymore, and not something you would want to throw away. I have a cool painting stand and oil paints, I have a wig and a bird-hat from carnival, I have big/heavy X-mas lights etc. – things you don’t want to just leave behind, things you want to bring along.

Does that mean I am settling down ? even though my contract (both employment and apartment rent) finishes in 5 months ? Even though I see myself packing up and moving to another part of the world..what am I going to do with all this stuff? I know I am just looking for comfort in life and feeling of happiness that all these things bring.. but will eventually I have so much stuff behind my back, that I wont be able to be mobile and flexible anymore?

Happy New Year!!

My dear friends!! those who happen to read what i write :)

I am wishing you all a happy, an amazing new year. Be happy, be bold, make every moment shine, listen to your heart, smile every day :)

Dont' forget that everyone has wings, we just need ot learn how to fly.

many kisses from a very happy me!

new year...resolutions and thoughts... :)

...and nothing.

between shoppings, cleanings, watching movies, i had no time to think of these things.And once i got free hour - few hours before the end of 2008....instead of reflecting and writing things down, i decided to call my parents and grandparents :) wishing them new years, hearing their voices is better time spent then thinking about life on my own... priorities i choose :) choices that make me happier :)

anyhow - resolutions and thoughts are yet to be written! Soon after I am back from France in 4 days!

~Distant Dreamer~

Although you think I cope,
my head is filled with hope...
of some place other than here.

Although you think I smile,
inside all the while...
I'm wondering about my destiny.

I'm thinking about,
all the things,
I'd like to do in my life.

I'm a dreamer,
a distant dreamer,
dreaming for hope, from today.

Even when you see me frown,
my heart won't let me down,
because I know there's better things to come

And when life gets tough,
I feel I've had enough,
I hold on to a distant star,

I'm thinking about,
all the things,
I'd like to do in my life...

I'm a dreamer,
A distant dreamer,
dreaming for hope from today.

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Every day do something that scares you

No I didn’t jump off the cliff. Scary doesn’t necessarily mean deadly dangerous. Going outside of comfort zone can be as scary. So last weekend I went for something I am scared of, and I always thought I suck in.

Dance improvisation class.

Starting with a warm up, we ended up with actual dance improvisation. Unlike what I thought improvisations are, I knew I would not be prepared for this, and I didn’t want to be prepared. I wanted to see – can I really improvise. While for someone who can easily switch and create movements it was usual, for me it was truly acting in the moment, following how I feel. How would you dance your emotions? How would you put in movements “being scared of myself”, “feeling quiet” or “feeling a superwoman”?

Now I know what it’s like to realize that sometimes no matter how loud your brain screams Let Go! – Your muscles might still not listen. What it’s like to be watched and try to forget about it. What its like to think “I suck in this” and try to believe the opposite, because my brain knows “its only in my head”.

Conscious understanding vs. unconscious fears.
Unconscious fear of being intimidated vs. Conscious fear to be guided by fears and not being able to let go.

I enjoyed facing those fears all together. I believe I made 10 steps ahead in fighting them, juts by being there.

And also at improve class I did learn something else. We behave differently in improvisations done individually and as a group. I happen to source my energy and inspiration from others – I let go when I am in a group. Being watched while dancing doesn’t inspire me. To inspire – you need to dance along.